Dust
by loser in the gutter
Summary: Roy's having trouble dealing with his and Ed's relationship. What happens when he pushes the younger alchemist too far? song is not mine!


**This is a result of boredom and my lack of a social life. And I am so sick of just letting ideas fade, and I'm going to type them up when I think of them. Sorry if you want updates. I just… I have to let it out. **

"I really pissed him off, Maes." Roy ran a hand through his hair. "I don't think he'll forgive me for this one." He swirled the scotch in his glass and downed it quickly, letting the liquid burn his throat. It was his third glass, and the General was feeling the effects of the alcohol.

Maes Hughes looked at his long time friend. The man had gone through war, murder, depression, and countless relationships. Now the one relationship that had managed to last more than a week was about to end. Roy's secret relationship with Edward had been told of after the first drink. Roy had come to the bar looking to get so drunk that he'd pass out and it was just his luck that his best friend was there to take him home after. "You'll be fine, Roy."

Roy rolled his head around. His world was crashing down more than ever. He hadn't meant to been drinking last night. He didn't even think about who was taking him home. He didn't remember that he was supposed to meet Edward at the restaurant at seven, and he was getting home at eleven. He didn't see the young man's note on the door. And he certainly didn't know what he was saying.

_FLASHBACK TO THE PREVIOUS NIGHT_

_Roy came stumbling in, Jean Havoc trying to help him to the couch. "Damn, Chief, you know, you could at least try and walk." The words were heard, but Roy's brain scrambled them up. _

"_I think Ed looks fine with long hair." Roy sighed as he was placed on the couch. He looked to Havoc, who was leaning on the wall lighting a cigarette. He lit it with a match and put it to his lips, not quite smoking it yet._

"_Are you gonna be okay?" Havoc's voice was quiet and calm, as if trying to mask his obvious concern. Roy looked at him for a moment and then nodded. "Alright. See ya Monday, Sir." Roy closed his eyes and heard the door close in the other room. _

_He then sat up and grabbed the phone from the table next to the couch. He dialed seven numbers and listened to it ring. Once, twice, three times it rang. "Come on." In the middle of the next ring, a groggy voice answered._

"_Who the hell is it and why are you calling so late?"_

_Roy smiled. "Ed," He then blinked, realizing he hadn't thought about what he was going to say to the blonde. "Umm…" He scratched his head._

"_What do you want, Mustang?" His voice showed the aggravation and annoyance of the younger man. _

_Roy let out a long breath. "I was supposed to meet you tonight."_

"_Fuck yah, you were." Roy winced at the anger in the blonde's voice. "Where the hell were you? I waited for an hour. I looked like an idiot." _

_Roy groaned. "I didn't want to go out tonight, Edward," he said, letting his drunken mind speak. "I had a bad day and wanted to go the bar. You know I hate going to restaurants after a shitty day." There was silence on the other end. "Hello?"_

"_Goddammit, Roy. If you didn't want to go out then you could've just said so. I was outside waiting for you, like you told me to. Then I decided to go inside before I froze to death, and you weren't there. Why didn't you call the place? You let me feel like an idiot, Mustang!"_

_Roy sighed angrily. "I hate using the phone. I don't know why I'm using it now. You know I only call when it's important. Dinner's not important."_

"_Am I not important, Roy?" The question was whispered, as if Ed was trying to hide his sorrow. The question was rushed and Roy wasn't sure if he had heard correctly. "Am I important to you, Roy?" The question was asked again, this time a bit louder. "Am I, or am I not, important to you, Colonel?!" The question was loaded with double-edged swords. The question was yelled and full of emotion. The question was asked to the Colonel, the one Edward either used jokingly or in a fit of rage._

_The silence was Roy's answer. In reality, he couldn't think of an answer. Sure, the kid (now 19 year old) was vital to him, but he was expendable. Right?_

"_You know what, Ed," Roy said with a yawn. "You just go to bed and I'll see you tomorrow and we'll have lunch. How's that sound?" _

"_No!" Roy heard rustling in the background. "I'm coming over."_

_Roy sat up. "No, Edward, that's not a good i-"_

"_Shut up! I want to talk to your face, not a stupid phone." Roy opened his mouth to respond, but all he heard was the dial tone. _

"_Shit." Roy got up and walked down the hall to the his bathroom. After using the toilet, Roy washed his hands and took a look at himself in the mirror. His hair was disheveled, his jacket was buttoned in the wrong holes so that it hung crooked, and his beard was past a 5 o'clock shadow. Roy rubbed his hands along the short whiskers and sighed. _

"Sounds like a little spat, that's all," Maes said, trying to console his friend. "Relationships are difficult and you'll have your fair share of fights." He watched as Roy ordered two more glasses for the two of them. "You know, I'm not so sure you should be drinking so much. You really should be talking to Ed."

Roy bit his lip and took a breath. "Really, Maes, I messed up. I thought he'd be pissed at what I said over the phone, but…" He closed his eyes as the drinks were put in front of them. He heard the clink and opened his eyes and took a deep gulp.

"But what, Roy?" A serious tone was heard in the lieutenant colonel's voice. He didn't even look at the glass Roy pushed over to him. "What happened, Roy." A demand, not a question.

_Roy heard the knock at the door from the bathroom, where he was currently scowling at his non-shaven face.. Edward was pounding on the door and a few curse words were being yelled. The neighbors would call the cops if he didn't shut up. Roy sighed and decided to let the short blonde in. He rolled his eyes as he opened the door and let the younger man in._

"_I swear, Mustang, this had better be good. I'm really getting sick of you making me look like a fool." Edward leaned against the couch and had his arms crossed. "And don't you _dare_ think I can't smell the alcohol on your breath." _

_Roy yawned. "Ed, I don't think we need to discuss this," Because Edward was overreacting. "It's just the same old thing with you, isn't it?" Because Edward was reacting. "I don't know why you insist these things are my fault." Roy reached into his pocket and found the box of cigarettes Havoc had left. He felt it in his hand, but didn't bring it out of his pocket. "Havoc brought me home." Havoc… _

_The blonde glared at the older man. "So what, Roy? What do you want now; for me to feel bad for you?" Roy hated when Ed spoke to him like that; like a parent scolding a child. He was the older one, not Ed._

"_That's not what I want, Fullmetal."_

"_You're gonna call me that?" Edward hated when the general called him by his military title. It was so cold; so impersonal. "Bastard, you're the one who called me, while drunk, to apologize. So apologize and let me be on my way."_

_They were obviously in a fight. The two had been in many fights before, threatened each other's lives, and even physical on one or two occasions. This time, however, felt different for Roy. Like some cosmic shift had happened, and he was supposed to end this relationship by any means necessary. He would finish his relationship with Edward Elric and make the young man hate his guts._

"_Did I ever tell you what first attracted me to you?" The question, obviously a riddle of some sort, made the blonde squint his eyes and tilt his head. "Your ass, in those tight, leather pants. The way you couldn't help flaunt it; walking everywhere instead of taking a car." _

"_You're a damn pervert, I got it." Ed's arms were crossed and his eyes were down. "So what? Then we got to know each other and you fell in love. Is that what you're going to tell me?" He looked desperately into the older man's eyes._

"_No." The silence was deafening, and it hurt almost as much as the slap Edward gave to left side of Mustang's face. He lifted his hand to feel the burning skin; felt it throb like a heart about to be broken. "I can't say I ever fell in love with you Edward. How could I?" Finish it. Finish it. Say it. End it. NOW. "No one loves orphans."_

_If you've ever seen a person's face as their heart is being ripped to shreds, you know that it's blank at first. Then, after reality has set in, there is a bit of confusion before anger. The anger takes control of the situation and possibly breaks something. Edward knocked over a lamp. Then the sadness overwhelms the person, breaking them down as their heart deteriorates. And they cry like there's everyone they know is dead. They cry like there's no hope left in the world. And they run, not knowing or caring where they end up._

"He cried like he had been through hell, come back to earth, and realized how much better hell was." Another swallow of the liquid and Roy stood, only to fall and catch himself on the bar stool. His friend watched as the man tried to walk to the exit. He sighed and pulled out his wallet to pay for the many drinks.

Roy had slumped down the wall on the outside of the bar. You could still hear the music from inside, but it was faint and Roy couldn't make out what song it was. "Hey," Hughes looked down to the other brunette. "We gotta get you home." Home; where Edward was least likely to be.

"No," Roy replied. "I hafta 'polo…poligize. Gotsta…" The words, surroundings, and sounds were mixed up. "Feel bad. I really am a bis… bis… bastard, aren't I, Hughes?" He through his arms up and stood. "I, Roy Mustang, am a total bastard!" The general laughed sadly and let his arms fall to his sides. "Yelling it won't fix nothing."

Hughes grabbed Roy and pulled him down the street. "You messed up, alright. And I honestly have no idea how you're gonna work your way out of this mess, Roy. But you'll think of something. You're smart. You'll forget all about Edward."

"Oh GOD, EDWARD!" The man hung to his friend. "I broke his head… heart, Maes. Broked it, smashed it, spit on it, and left it to rust. Poor Ed!" They arrived to his house to see a blonde sitting on the stoop.

"Hello, lieutenant colonel. I'm here to talk with General Mustang." Alphonse was only this formal about the most serious of issues. Hughes nodded and reluctantly let Roy walk into his apartment. He waved to Al and prayed that his friend would be alive in the morning.

"You know, I totally approved with you and Brother dating or whatever." He began, staring at the man on the other side of the couch. "I honestly thought you two were alright together."

"Edward's a good kid."

"He's not a kid, anymore, Mustang." Alphonse spoke with malice. "He's grown up so much in the past few years. You of all people should know that. You've even helped him overcome things. You've helped him grow into who he is."

"Who he is," Roy repeated as he leaned back his head. Who _was_ Edward Elric? A brat he'd known for seven years. A lonely boy with tarnished dreams. A blonde with a short temper almost the size of him. A man with a heart of gold, eyes of gold, hair of gold, and everyone wants to have him. A lost soul in need of love. A strong, determined person that will die for you in an instant because he never puts himself first, even if he says he does. A selfless saint that no one deserves, but that everyone needs.

"And now he's a broken-hearted wreck that won't leave his room." Alphonse glared knives into the man. "He won't tell me what you said, only that you said you could never love him." Al leaned in. "Exactly what did you say, General?"

"Something I should never have said." The truth of his selfish thoughts. "Something I wish I could take back, but know he'll always remember." The wants of his deranged desires coming before a lasting relationship. "Something I regret with all my being." The fear of being heartbroken led him to break a heart. "I didn't want to be hurt, Alphonse. I was selfish, giving into my own desires not to be hurt in the end. If I hurt him, my reasoning said I wouldn't be hurt. It had worked many times before. Now…"

"Now you realize how wrong you were?"

The clock chimed 3 in the morning. The leaves whispered in the breeze. Roy Mustang had dumped the one person he had ever loved.

"Now I want to die." A fact he'd realized just in that moment. The idea of self-inflicted death had occurred to him a few times over the years. The thought had come up when he'd been depressed over past actions. He'd contemplated a simple suicide by revolver or pills before. But in all his life, Roy Mustang had never wanted to die because of the pain he'd inflicted on someone he'd loved. Because he had never loved someone so deeply.

"Die?" Alphonse leaned close. "You wish to die, Mustang? Because after the way Ed came home last night, I came here ready to punch you til you couldn't move." How unlike the young Elric. "But you… you feel bad, don't you." A statement, not a question, even though Roy nodded.

"I don't think Ed deserves me, Alphonse," Roy tried to reason.

"But you're the one he wants."

"It's not about what he wants!" The brunette stood. "It's about what's good for him! It's about being able to raise a family with a beautiful wife. It's about leaving this goddamn military for a simpler life." He looked away. "It's about not being weighed down by an old man and his foolish dreams." Again, a slap to the left side of his face.

"You stupid, stupid, STUPID….AHH!" The young man was almost nose to nose with the general. "No wonder you two fight; you're exactly the same! Always putting the other first, when all you really want is just to be with each other! That's what you both want. And… it's what you both need! You're both just too darn stubborn to realize that you'd be happy together!" Alphonse was out of breath from his long speech and panted for a minute.

"I should apologize."

"Yeah, you should. But Roy," This time using the first name as a friend would. "Don't just say the words. Let him know how bad you feel for breaking his heart. He loves you a lot, and if you prove that you feel the same way, there's no way he wont accept you back." The younger man went out the door and left Roy to his thoughts.

A restless sleep, three hours of strumming, two pots of coffee, 5 sheets of paper ripped, and a long shower later, Roy headed out the door. His hair was a mess, but he didn't care. His clothes were dirty… or they were clean; Roy had just picked them up off of the floor, not caring if they were clean or not. And he didn't care. He probably had dark circles under his eyes, but he didn't care.

All he cared about was Edward. Edward. EDWARD.

"Edward," The general whispered as he walked down the busy street. 10 o'clock in the morning and people were running around. He had a guitar on his back and he was going to get Ed back even if it killed him. And with the Fullmetal Alchemist, there was a high chance of that happening.

Roy finally arrived at the military dormitory. He had already called Alphonse to make sure everything was set up, and as always, the young mad had delivered. There was a microphone set up and a speaker and amp ready to go.

"All this is for you, Ed," Roy murmured as he plugged in the acoustic. He tapped the microphone twice, letting the sound vibrate around the area. A few soldiers turned around. "Check, check." The volume was pretty loud, but Roy wasn't about to complain.

"Ed," he calmly whispered into the device. "Please listen." He took a breath and plucked a string.

"I don't know if you'll for_give_ me…for being so _blind_... to how you _felt_…" He took a big breath and began strumming the guitar, despite the looks from various military personal. "Don't ask me why I couldn't seeeee it, it'd take me years… to _figure_ out." Roy stared at what he knew to be Edward's window. He prayed that it would open.

"And that's not something I know much _about_. But there's only one way tooo fiiinnnnnd ouuuuut." He closed his eyes. "YEAH YEAH YEAH." A few cheers from officers watching were heard. "What I knoowww… is that I hurt you, oh. What I knoww is that I suck and what I knoowww is that I'm sorry." The window opened, showing a blonde head, and the gold hair blew in the cool breeze.

"What I knoowww…is that I'm a LOSER, YEAH! What I KNOW is I screwed up, and that I NEVER earned your trust." The head disappeared and the window was closed. "What I knoowww… is that everything I touuuuchh…… just turns to DUST." As Roy finished strumming, a bunch of girls ran over to him.

"Who was that for?"

"The great general Mustang just serenaded some sweet girl??"

"Who is it?!?!"

"Sing for ME, ROY!"

"Nice lyrics."

Roy turned to see Edward, puffy eyed and messy hair. His eyes darted from Roy's own face to the ground, back, and to random places that weren't the dark haired man. He was wearing loose pajama bottoms and an old T shirt that was probably from four or five years ago. His hair looked like it had previously been in a braid, but so much was coming out that the tie at the end was barely holding anything.

"Ed," Roy sighed.

The blonde smiled. "A loser, heh?"

The general smiled apologetically. "Yeah well, I'm pretty sure that's what you'd call a guy who screwed up epically."

"Yeah, I guess," Edward rubbed the back of his neck. "So…" he finally looked Roy in the eyes.

"So I know I won't be forgiven just yet," Roy turned the guitar so that it was on his back. "But I'm hoping I'm on my way back to your good side."

"Elrics are known for their grudges, Mustang."

"Yeah." The man ran a hand through his shaggy hair. He sighed and turned back to walk home. He'd only gone a few steps when he heard a familiar voice call him.

"But I'm not a typical Elric, now am I, Roy?" Roy smiled and turned to see the blonde coming his way. "And I'll be damned if anyone thinks I'm like my old man in _any _way."

**Umm… wow this took a HUGE turn from where I had originally planned. I had planned for Ed to kill himself… haha but then you would've hated me. SOOO Roy sang a song. All credit for that song goes to the creators of Degrassi, the tv show, and their song "Dust (I Know)". I didn't write it… sadly. Anway… hope you enjoyed this stupid, random ONE SHOT. Remember kiddies, this world is made of Love and Peace! **


End file.
